Right Kind of Wrong
by FantasticallyFanatical
Summary: In a nutshell, Chuck finds out about Blair's bulimia. Doesn't exactly follow the show, but post 2.15 to be safe. Un-beta'd, so mistakes are all mine.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title inspired by 'The Right Kind of Wrong' - LeAnn Rimes

* * *

"I thought we were _done_. Look Blair, just stop messing with my -"

"Hello? Is this Charles?" Chuck faltered - he knew that voice, although it sounded more subdued than usual.

"Eleanor? I-I thought you were Blair," Chuck explained, attempting an apology. Niceties never had been his forte. He should have known better than to believe Blair would be ringing him.

"Yes well, Blair and I would very much appreciate it if you could pop over? If it's not too much of an inconvenience, that is."

"I'll be right over." Chuck ended the call, grabbed his jacket and summoned his driver. For Eleanor to call him, Chuck figured something had to be wrong.

*

"I didn't know who else to call. I-I.." Eleanor's face looked pale, eyes were bloodshot and her voice broken. Chuck, faced with said Eleanor, was at a loss at what to do. Chuck Bass did not comfort people, least of all girls and certainly not their mothers. Yet somehow Chuck found himself passing Eleanor a tissue and gesturing her to sit down. He scratched his head uneasily as he waited for Eleanor to compose herself and begin talking again.

"She won't let me call her father, Serena's busy, she doesn't want Nate." Chuck's heart stopped. Blair not wanting Nate? If it wasn't such a serious situation, Chuck might actually have smiled. "I tried Jenny, Kati, I even tried Dan. I would have called you earlier, but what with your father.." Eleanor trailed off again.

Chuck looked away, eyes sharp and sullen. Previous emotions were replaced with anger and bitterness, leaving Eleanor unsure of how to react.

"Is she upset?" Chuck asked, regaining his former composure, remembering why he was here.

"No," Eleanor sighed, placing a weary hand under her head as if to support herself from tipping. "She's.."

"What? Sick?"

"You could say that," Eleanor emitted a short watery laughed which quickly transpired into a sob.

"Where is she?" Chuck asked, alarmed at the rate at which Eleanor's tears fell. She gestured to Blair's room, letting Chuck rush up there. He knocked on the door and entered, without waiting for a reply. Inside, he saw Blair sitting atop her bed, grimacing at who'd just walked in her room.

"Chuck, _what_ are you doing here?" Blair demanded, hopping off her bed and coming to stand in front of Chuck. Her arms crossed her chest defensively and her foot tapped impatiently, waiting for an answer.

"Your mother called. She claimed you were," Chuck paused, looking Blair up and down, "Sick. Clearly, you play her just like the rest of us."

"Meaning?" Blair asked, arms still folded. Chuck waved his hand, rinsing himself of her problems.

"I'm going," Chuck announced to which Blair smiled. In her opinion, the less time spent around Chuck, the better.

"Chuck," Eleanor appeared at the entrance to Blair's room. "Stay, please."

"Just let him go," Blair instructed her mother, but Eleanor shook her head sadly. "Mother! I don't want Chuck here. We don't need him."

"Blair, you need someone," Eleanor's voice was little more than a whisper. Chuck's head moved from Blair to her mother as each one spoke.

"I don't need Chuck," Blair said curtly. "I don't need anyone."

"Blair, there's no one else left. It's either Chuck or I call the docto-"

"I'm not seeing a doctor!" Blair cried out defiantly, stalking over the window and staring out into the city below. "I don't need to see a doctor." Blair rephrased, calmer and more serene. Chuck watched hesitantly, wondering what exactly Eleanor expected him to do.

"Well then you've made your choice Blair. You sit and you talk to Chuck, because you clearly won't talk to me. If Chuck fails," Eleanor's voice wavered, as she looked over to Chuck with watering eyes, "Then you know what'll happen Blair."

Blair turned her back on the window and stared at her mum, eyes ablaze with tears, but not letting one escaped down her cheek. "I won't let you," Blair was adamant in her actions, shooting warning glares at her mother. "I won't," she repeated, shaking her head in emphasis.

"Blair, I'm sorry," Eleanor whispered, but Blair was too busy repeating herself over and over to hear. It was only when the key turned in the lock of her door that Blair was silenced.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N : Just a quick thank you for the all very much appreciated reviews of this :) I honestly didn't think people would take to it, epesically as it's all a bit angsty and as it's my first ever Chuck/Blair fic. I wasn't sure if Eleanor would work as being the caring mother, but I wanted to add a different dimension to her where she has genuine concerns for Blair, rather than just being one of the root causes for her bulimia in the first place. Once again, un-beta'd so apologies for any mistakes! Lastly, hope you enjoy. x

* * *

"_You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else_" - Albert Einstein.

Blair wiped her eyes hurriedly and stood back at the window, leaving Chuck feeling awkward standing in her room.

"Blair," he began, "What's goin-"

"Leave it Chuck," Blair cut in, her tone sharp and dangerous as she turned to face Chuck. "It's fine. You don't have to do anything. Just keep yourself to yourself for an hour, two at tops, then my mother will come back up, I'll explain we talked things over and then you can go back to not caring about me."

"I do care," Chuck cleared his throat, as if to cover his words. Blair didn't respond, for reasons Chuck didn't know. Blair turned back to the window and stood in silence, as Chuck felt at a loss for words. "Blair. Blair!"

"What?!" Blair snapped, turning round once more. Her eyes were blaring with anger and hurt and Chuck was unable to look directly at them.

"We should talk," Chuck told Blair, his feet shuffling uncomfortably. He'd seen so many sides to Blair over the years, but this was a new one to which he didn't know to react.

"What's there to talk about?"

"Well your mother clearly wanted us to talk about something. Why don't we start with that?"

"Another of your wise-cracks, Bass? Save it for someone who cares. I'm done caring, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Chuck's voice was back to its monotonous basis. Blair visibly relaxed at Chuck's return to normality and took a seat on her bed, gazing at her door whilst twirling her hair absently.

"My mother is under the impression that I'm ill, that I need help. But I don't," Blair's eyes flashed a warning at Chuck, reinforcing her words. "We just.. differ in our ways of obtaining the best from ourselves. She pays to hide her imperfections whilst I eradicate mine, free of charge. I don't know what her problem is," Blair began muttering under her breath, anger and upset both evident in her voice. "I thought she'd be pleased."

"When you say eradicate," Chuck wryly asked, flouncing his hands to try and grasp an understanding, "You mean?"

Blair shrugged, batting away the question with a soft flick of her hand. Chuck waited expectantly until eventually Blair exhaled sharply. "Fine! You win. I make myself sick, happy now?!"

Chuck stared in disbelief after Blair's outburst. _You win, _she'd said. How could this ever be a game to her? "You make yourself sick?" Chuck repeated, not so much as a question but more as an attempt to get his head around it. This was _Blair_; the one thing in his life, well the one thing that used to be in his life, that wasn't broken. That wasn't in need of fixing. But looking at her now, he realised Blair Waldorf was the most broken of all. She just needed someone to see it.

"Yes Chuck, we just established that fact. Anything else you'd like me to clear up for you?" Her voice was patronising and Chuck knew what Blair was doing. The more she pushed him away, the less he'd ask and eventually, she aimed for him to let her be, let her continue with things as normal. But this wasn't normal, Chuck concluded.

"How long?" he asked bluntly, still standing up whilst staring fervently at Blair who stared back, unblinking. She wasn't going to lose this time. She was not about to give up the one vicinity of release that she had left, not without a damn good fight. And if Chuck Bass thought otherwise, boy was he wrong.

"What does it matter?" Blair shrugged, placing one leg neatly across the other, laying her hands atop her knee. Chuck couldn't help but let his eyes drop to her legs. They did look thinner than before, he mused silently. When Chuck didn't respond, Blair sighed and spoke. "On and off for the past 5 or so years."

Chuck's face almost made Blair laugh. Her words had clearly shocked him, but Chuck's attempt to cover his shock failed miserably. "Something funny Waldorf?" but from the way Chuck spoke, he clearly felt that this was not a humorous matter.

"God Chuck, lighten up. Like I said, it's on and off. It changes with emotions, feelings." Blair slid off her bed gracefully and Chuck noticed how little an impact Blair had on the bed. She'd always been slim and light, but this was something new. "But I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Then make me." Chuck said simply, voice low and almost longing. Chuck prided himself on being savvy in all areas of the female mind, but this was too much. Staring at the beauty before him, all ideas as to why Blair would put herself through this evaded him. He needed to know why. He needed to know if it was all down to him.

Blair visibly cringed as she walked back to the window. It was rapidly becoming one her favourite places to be, where she could drown herself in the sound of life whilst she neared herself to her death.

"Why do _you_ do what you do, Chuck?" Blair suddenly countered him, the challenge evident in her voice without even having to face Chuck. When Chuck realised Blair was demanding an answer, he hesitated, not wanting to establish double standards. Blair was intelligent, this Chuck knew and he knew she'd use it against him at any opportunity she could find.

"Because I can," Chuck said simply and he swore he heard a soft laugh of disbelief emerge from Blair.

"So then you have no right to criticise me," Blair replied, closing her eyes as she honed solely into the world below her.

"But that doesn't make it right," Chuck continued, disregarding Blair's reply completely. "And I should probably stop."

"Then stop." Blair laughed hollowly, arching an eyebrow as she leant her forehead against the window.

"Look at me," Chuck suddenly declared, as if he felt Blair was slipping away, like she was too close to the edge, too near to falling out the window upon which she rested. Reluctantly, Blair pulled herself away from the window to turn and look at Chuck. "Tell me why you do it."

"Because I can," Blair smirked, but Chuck marched towards her, grabbing the sides of her arms roughly. She still thought this a game, but Chuck wasn't prepared to play fair. In fact, he wasn't prepared to play at all.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Once again, thank you so much for all the alerts and reviews, they're really appreciated so keep 'em coming ;) Any con-crit is welcomed too as it's always usuful :) Un-beta'd as per, so apologies for mistakes. Oh, and there's a section in this chapter that I'm still a little iffy with, but after rearranging and playing with it for a while, I decided to leave it like this so I hope it's okay :) So read, review and enjoy! :) x

* * *

"Blair, this isn't a game," Chuck growled, wiping the smirk from Blair's face. The sparkle in her eyes disappeared and all Chuck was left with was a small frame of a vulnerable girl, one he hardly recognised. His eyes locked onto hers, but he found no answers. He let go of her arms, as her dark, empty eyes searched his face. Her arms were left red from where his hands had grabbed her and Chuck wanted to apologise, but she'd take that as a surrender on his behalf.

"Why do you need to know?" Blair asked, after a couple of minutes of contemplative silence. "And don't say because of my mother Chuck. She means nothing to you. _I _mean nothing to you."

"I-" Chuck started, but realised he didn't even know why himself. He wanted to help her, but Blair didn't want to be helped. "Because I need to know how you became more fucked up than I am."

Blair winced slightly at Chuck's crude language, but as she continued to stare at his face, she realised it was the only way Chuck knew, of how to express his feelings. She wanted to laugh; he was taking this far too seriously. This problem of hers was hardly a new phenomenon. She'd survived it before and no doubt she'd survive it again. But for now, it was her only form of survival.

"It's all I have left." Blair almost whispered, walking back to the window, arms hanging low as her fingertips brushed the tops of her legs. "I've lost everything else, there's nothing else left to lose."

Chuck's face still looked blank, and from his silence Blair could tell his understanding was still substantially lacking.

"All the pain is worth the pleasure, Chuck. Sometimes, you have to push yourself to life's boundaries just to feel alive. Sometimes you have to go that extra margin to get what you want. It's like a wave of energy," Blair spun round to face Chuck again, his eyes wide with trepidation. "I can create it and I can control it. It's the only thing left that hasn't deserted me."

Chuck knew she aimed that solely at him, but that didn't soften the blow. Part of him wanted her to blame him. Make him change so that she could change too. He was Chuck and she was Blair. But now, he was Chuck and she wasn't there, not really. This wasn't Blair. "This isn't you," Chuck motioned out loud.

"This _is_ me," Blair said softly, her voice riding gently on the atmosphere, "You just haven't seen me properly until now."

"Is it because you want to be thinner? Keep up with Serena? Be a new you?" Chuck was stabbing wildly in the dark, but clearly hit a nerve.

"Why would you even mention Serena when I was just talking about me?!" Blair demanded hotly, her eyes blazing in Chuck's direction. Chuck faltered for words. "Is that what you think?! That I need to be more like Serena?!"

"No!" Chuck said, but his reply seemed a lot more feeble than he had anticipated. Blair's scoff proved she didn't believe his response anymore than Chuck appeared to himself.

"Just get out, Chuck." Blair suddenly started to sound wearied and exhausted, older than her years. "The last thing I need is you."

"The door's locked," Chuck replied unhelpfully, promoting Blair to roll her eyes. "Well, what are we going to do?"

"_We_ aren't going to do anything. I'm going to call my mother, she's going to take you and herself away and I can get back to living my life."

"This isn't life, Blair! Making yourself sick on what, a daily basis? That's your idea of life?!"

"No, Chuck. My idea of life is living it _my _way. Why can't anyone just let me be? The moment I finally gain my independence, when I'm finally finished helping everyone else, you all decide that suddenly _I'm_ the one that needs help? Not all those times when I sat and I cried because all this crap was going on around me and none of you could see it." Blair's voiced wavered as her eyes drew dangerously close to tears. "You only want to help me to ease your own guilt, Bass. And I'll be damned if I ever help you again."

Chuck felt like he'd received a physical blow to the stomach, whilst a feeling of nausea rose within him. "Blair, please." His voice was hoarse and so unlike his own, it stopped Blair's tears in their tracks.

"Just leave it, Chuck." Blair's words were final, so Chuck took a seat on the floor and waited. He was not about to lose this battle. He wasn't about to lose Blair.

*

Endless minutes passed, with silence engulfing each one. Blair sat against the window, staring into the room. Chuck sat against the door, staring at Blair. Another twenty minutes passed before either one spoke.

"You can't watch me forever," Blair commented, as Chuck averted his gaze from her the second she began talking. She'd been half conscious of his fixation, but hadn't paid overly all that much attention to it. Transfixed in her own little world, Blair no longer paid much attention to anything. "And anyway, it won't make me stop."

"What will?" Chuck's voice was low and hopeful, wanting to be the one who saved Blair after she'd saved him so many times before.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to?" Blair knew she couldn't stop. There was no way she was letting go of this. Ever so slowly she was letting go of everyone else, but this, this was going to stay.

"Clearly, otherwise we wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation." Chuck's reply came cockily, and it was as if their conversational banter had returned. But then, the realisation of why they were sat in Blair's room dawned and the conversation began stifled again. "You know, there was one time that I would have given anything to be in Blair Waldorf's bedroom," Chuck wanted to smirk, but the movement felt foreign under his skin. Blair laughed emptily for the both of them.

"What, am I not worthy of Chuck Bass anymore?"

"No Blair, I didn't mean it like-" Blair silenced him but putting up her hand. She didn't want Chuck to pussyfoot around her.

"Toughen up Chuck, I was joking. God, I was counting on you to be the one who _didn't_ treat me differently. Everyone else is so melodramatic, all of the time. I can't take it anymore."

"You know, you make me feel so.." Chuck paused, wanting to phrase his words delicately, "Normal. Out of everyone, I always thought you'd hold it together best, be the long-surviving warrior. I thought I had issues, but you, you make out your life is perfect then you damage yourself to cover up your imperfections."

"I just want to be different. I don't want to be Blair anymore. Or maybe I want to become Blair, you know, like all that stuff before wasn't actually me." Blair mused, pursing her lips, running the tip of her forefinger up and down her leg thoughtfully. "What does it matter anyway? It's too late now."

"It's never too late," Chuck replied, his eyes sunken and clearly tired, but Blair was weakening and Chuck was going to wear her down, make her stop. _He_ was going to make her stop. And she'd thank him, in the long run.

"Cliché, much?" Blair smirked, but Chuck didn't return it. "Chuck, you're starting to do my head in now. You can't just waltz into my bedroom and start criticising how I live my life. I mean, you're hardly one to talk. Do I even need to list the number of so-called 'conquests' you've devoured, how many cheap whores you've disposed of, just for your own desires? You think _I'm_ the sick one? You need to start fixing yourself before telling me to do the same. But you're Chuck Bass! You won't fix yourself, you'll pay someone else to do it for you. And when the money runs out, and you're left alone, maybe then you'll realise."

"Realise what?" Chuck's curiosity was twinned with sadness. Blair wasn't weakening in the way he wanted; she was losing her grasp on her reality, her hold on life. And he wasn't strong enough to pull her back.

"That without love, nothing's worth it. I should know; I'm not the type of girl people love."

"You are," Chuck's voice was low and hoarse again, as he eyes concentrated onto Blair's. He told himself he wouldn't look away, wouldn't lose, but Blair always had the upper hand.

"Yeah?" Blair scoffed, "Bass, you're pretty much living proof that I'm not. You, Nate, The _Lord_, all of you proved I can't be loved."

Chuck fell silent. No matter what he said would have sounded pathetic in reply. He could think of no feasible way to prove Blair wrong. So he kept quiet and just watched her, forcing himself to believe it made a difference. As another twenty minutes of silence passed, Blair sat wondering how long her mother planned to keep them locked up here. It was a wonder they hadn't murdered each other yet, Blair smiled to herself, deciding not to inform Chuck of her thoughts. He clearly was not in a humorous mood tonight. Blair was about to speak, when the turning of the key unravelled her thoughts.

"Blair?" Eleanor's voice was hesitant as she stood at the threshold of Blair's room. Chuck got to his feet and Blair walked closer to Eleanor, a smile on her face.

"Me and Chuck have talked things over," Blair explained, her face now serious, "And he's convinced me I need to stop. He said I'm to call him whenever I feel I'm going to relapse."

"Oh Blair," Eleanor sighed, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "I'm going to call Harold, tell him the progress the two of you have made. And Chuck, I don't know how you did it, but thank you. So, so much."

"My pleasure," Chuck said blankly, still in awe of Blair's performance. There was twisting the truth to help yourself, and then there was unforgivable lying. Chuck didn't think even he'd stoop this far. It was killing him just listening to Blair's lies and though he couldn't fault her performance, he rendered it so wrong he could hardly believe the words had emerged from Blair Waldorf's mouth.

"You're not seriously going to lie to her?!" Chuck hissed, as soon as Eleanor was out of earshot.

"You dare tell her Chuck, and I will _ruin_ you. You hear?" Blair's threat fell on deaf ears as far as Chuck was concerned.

"Don't you see Waldorf," Chuck's voice was broken, but not teary. "You already have."

Blair was left wearied and speechless as Chuck left her room, and she was once again left in silence. Walking back to the window, Blair placed her forehead against the glass and closed her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Once again, thank you for all the reviews and so on. They are LOVE :) Right, this is the penultimate chapter and this is the one I had most trouble writing. I seriously like re-wrote the end bit about 5 times so I hope it's okay and as always, it's unbeta'd so apologies for any mistakes, all of which are mine. It's loosely based on the end of 2x18 so spoiler-ish of that, but nothing later than that seeing as that's as far as has been aired. Blair's lost Yale etc but for this, I've changed it slightly so that Chuck comes to the bar instead of Carter, who does appear later however. Lastly, read, review and enjoy :) x

* * *

_'The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse' - Edmund Burke._

"Morning, Blair." Eleanor positively beamed as Blair descend the stairs, dressed ready for school.

"Morning," Blair replied, her usual faux smile present once again. It was more a necessity now, than a habit. It ensured that Eleanor didn't suspect therefore meaning that Blair could continue with ease.

"Ready for school already, I see." Eleanor smiled and placed a delicate kiss on the top of Blair's head. Blair nodded, her infamous headband shifted slightly under the movement. "Well, I'm going to Paris for the week, but I'm only a phone call away, alright?"

Blair felt torn; her mother was acting in such a way that Blair's deviance felt all the more terrible. But it still wasn't enough to make her stop. Waving her mother off, Blair raced out the house before Dorota could force her to eat breakfast. Blair needed to be in control, meaning she'd eat when and where she wanted to. And right now, eating was not top of her agenda.

"B!" Blair heard Serena call from the other side of the road. Blair sighed and waited, false smiles coming into play, yet again. "You all set for tonight?"

"Tonight?" Blair asked dully, feigning interest without much success. Serena laughed it off - as usual - and linked her arm into Blair's.

"The play, silly. Hey, why don't you come to extra rehearsals with me later on?" Serena's excitement didn't spread to Blair, who shook her head.

"There's somewhere I have to be. Sorry." Serena looked put out, but Blair just wanted Serena out of her vision. The more time she spent around Serena, the more unlike Serena she realised she was. Even Chuck seemingly preferred Serena to her. Removing her arm from Serena's in one swift motion, Blair headed for the school toilets before Serena had a chance to stop her. But someone else did.

"Heading somewhere Waldorf?" Blair's face of repulsion upon hearing Chuck's sycophantic voice only pushed Chuck on. "The toilets perhaps?"

"Move, Chuck." Blair's voice was low and threatening but Chuck laughed in her face. "Chuck, I said move!"

"And I say no," Chuck smirked. He felt more in his element now; the school environment placed boundaries around Blair, meaning he could keep an eye on her easily. He didn't have to worry about her being too close to the window, too close to the edge.

"I'm warning you, Chuck. You move out of my way_ now_ or-"

"Or what, Waldorf?" Chuck challenged Blair, watching as her eyes weakened and her need for release intensified. "Well, I'm waiting.."

Declining Chuck an answer, Blair took off in the other direction and ran until she'd completed a full circle and was back at the toilets. This time she managed to enter unchallenged and slipped into the end cubicle. Extracting as much food as she could, Blair scoffed the lot and promptly knelt above the toilet, waiting for the inevitable to happen.

Minutes later, she dabbed her mouth, disposed of the evidence and exited the toilets, only for Chuck to be standing there, once again.

"Stalk me much?" Blair cast her eyes to the sky in exasperation, walking whatever way Chuck wasn't. She didn't want Chuck, she didn't want a confrontation and she didn't want another challenge.

"You need help," Chuck decided for her, but Blair was having none of it. Laughing to herself, she shook her head and sped up her pace with the aim of losing Chuck.

"It's all under control Bass. Don't worry your sick little head about it."

"Yeah, Blair, looks like it." Chuck's eyes slanted towards Blair as his stride lengthened to match himself against Blair's quickened speed.

"Lay off the sarcasm, Bass. It does neither one of us any good." With that, Blair took a sharp left turn as Chuck was engrossed in an incoming call. Baiting his breath, he pressed ignore with the intention of returning his attention to Blair. But it was too late, and Blair was gone.

*

Blair sat alone at the bar, twirling her finger around the rim of the glass in regular motions, lulling herself away from reality. As her eyes closed and she listened intently to the hum of the glass, her thoughts were rudely disturbed by her phone vibrating.

**Where are you? - C**

Blair laughed and dunked her phone in her drink. She was near now; she could feel it, and Chuck was not going to stop her. Why should he? He knew, more out of anyone, what she felt like. Was it not Chuck who stood precariously near the edge of the rooftop, drunk and distraught, so ready to end it but not ready to die? Chuck may not have been ready, but Blair was. And Chuck was not going to repay her the favour. Blair wouldn't let Chuck save her.

Somehow though, Chuck found Blair anyway, much to Blair's disgust. "Didn't you get the message?" Blair weary voice was still lined with venom.

"Didn't you?" Chuck countered, gesturing to Blair's currently drowning phone.

"What did I say about the sarcasm, Bass?" Blair's eyes struggled to focus on Chuck's face and her breath was irregular and strained.

"Performance went that well, did it?" Chuck ignored Blair's rule on sarcasm and ushered the barman away before Blair could order any more drinks.

"Well, you could have come and seen for yourself. But you only want me when you need to make yourself feel better, isn't that right? What was it you said? That I make you feel normal?" Blair's laugh sounded so unlike her, Chuck couldn't bare to listen to it.

"What is _wrong_ with you?!" Chuck's fist met the wooden bar, the sound resonating throughout the building but Blair didn't even flinch. "What's happened to you?" Chuck's voice was softened, almost gentle, but it had the adverse affect on Blair.

"Why do you even bother, Chuck? You can't do anything now anyway." Blair signalled the barman for a refill and promptly drank it in one as Chuck watched on horrified.

"Blair-" But Blair cut him off; she clearly wasn't finished with Chuck at all.

"Where were you, Chuck?! I lost everything and you weren't there! But then, you never were the reliable type." Chuck remained silent throughout Blair's speech, hoping that when she had finished, she'd calm down and allow him to take her home. "Lost for words, Bass? Well that makes a nice change. Why don't you totally make my day, and just vanish completely?"

Chuck swallowed and felt an usual feeling of sadness overwhelm him. Why couldn't she see that he was trying to help her, not harm her. Immersed in his thoughts, he didn't see Blair order a large plate of food which she promptly shovelled down her throat - Chuck could think of no other word to describe Blair's method of eating. In a vain attempt to get her stop, Chuck pulled the pate out of Blair's reach. Blair let him take the plate, swallowed her last mouthful and slipped off her bar stool.

"Now if you don't mind, I have some business to attend to." Blair smiled sweetly, heading to the toilets. Chuck knew he was powerless to stop her, watching in dismay as Blair stumbled to the bathroom, ready to perform her ritual.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, so this is the final chapter guys - I hope it doesn't disappoint! As always, thanks SO much for the reviews, they totally make my day and make writing even more worthwhile than it is already! As always, it's unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine (and this chapter is liable to contain the most.) It's still kinda angsty and Blair's still bitter (some may say twisted) but there's a happy ending. Well, ish. And as for the 'I love you' many seem to want.. maybe it's in there, maybe it's not ;) I'm not spilling! Once again, let me know what you think but most of all, thanks for reading and enjoy!

_'It is often hard to bear the tears that we ourselves have caused' - Marcel Proust_

Chuck waited outside the toilets for Blair to emerge, but when, after half an hour she still had not surfaced, Chuck barged in to find the toilets all empty. He figured Blair had found an alternative exit, one that didn't involve yet another confrontation with him. Blair was becoming quite the escapist these days, Chuck mused. Sighing, he delved for his phone and began muttering softly into the speaker, leaving the bar empty with Chuck feeling relieved when the late night air washed over his face. From above, sprinkles of dust fell onto his hair, and the sudden realisation that Blair could be up there forced his heart to sink into his stomach. Realising in that split second that he would do anything for this girl, Chuck raced up to the roof, only to find it empty. This brought him no relief however; this was one roof on one night. There was now no telling just how far Blair would go anymore.

The right thing to do, Chuck knew, was to go and tell Eleanor before things got too out of hand. But Chuck never had been one for doing the right thing. So instead, he took it upon himself to find Blair alone. The only trouble was, Blair didn't want to be found.

*

Blair walked the streets for a while, too drunk to know where she was but too proud to ring anyone for help, even though her phone was long gone. Plus, ringing anyone other than Chuck would mean explaining why she had a fragrance of stale alcohol and sick circulating her body. But ringing Chuck would bring enough grief in itself, so Blair decided to go it alone. It wasn't as if she hadn't done so her entire life anyway.

Entering the nearest empty bar, Blair propped herself against the wood, trying to focus on the bar man (or woman - she couldn't tell) in front of her. "A scotch, please." Blair smirked, toasting to Chuck. Her stomach rumbled ferociously, but Blair ignored it. Only she delegated when her stomach was fed, and her stomach was only fed when she wanted to bring the food back up. Therefore, it was staying empty. Just like her heart.

It works, Blair mused, pushing people away. If you push them first, they push you back further until they're out of your life completely and you can't hurt them anymore. But sometimes, they just don't take the hint. Why can't Chuck see that by hurting herself, Blair limits the pain she inflicts upon others.

Waken from her thoughts by the bartender telling her to leave, Blair was about to kick up a fuss when a gentle hand landed on her back and guided her out the building.

"Chuck, just leave me alone!" Blair moaned drunkenly, struggling to keep herself upright. Her hair was getting mussed as she fought the larger person who began wrapping his jacket around her.

"Chuck?" The male voice was quiet, but familiar. He laughed and rubbed her arms, trying to stop her lips from turning blue in the cold. "As in Bass? Please tell me I don't look like him. I _try_ to have a decent sense of fashion, but alas I must have failed."

"Do I.. know you?" Blair knew she knew the voice, but couldn't put her finger on it. Her eyes felt heavy, heavier still with the remains of her theatre make-up from the performance earlier.

"I should hope so, Blair. It's me, Carter." To this, Blair relaxed. Even drunk, Blair had her wits and wasn't about to be carried off by a strange man. But then again, they don't come much stranger than Chuck Bass, Blair told herself, and he'd done more than just carry her away.

"Carter?" Blair replied, as it dawned on her who Carter was. "As in Baizen?"

"The one and only," Carter smiled, allowing Blair to move herself closer to him. "Your lips are mighty blue, Blair. Want me to take care of that for you?"

"If you would.." Blair replied sleepily, with her senses suddenly awakened by soft lips placed against her chapped ones. Her heart, albeit empty, told her to resist Carter's advances but her drunken mind told her resistance was futile. She relaxed into the kiss as Carter's hand slipped around her waist. Her waist that was now little larger than that of a young girl. But Carter didn't seem to mind, Blair thought, unlike Chuck. Carter wouldn't make her stop. Carter might just save her, by giving her the option not to save herself.

Shrinking under Carter's arm, Blair allowed Carter to take her away, the drinks from the night finally catching up with her as she fell asleep in a taxi, Carter laying a possessive hand upon her thigh. As the car disappeared into the darkness, Carter's eyes were all that were visible. And they were watching, and waiting, for a certain Chuck Bass to appear. Carter was only ever in for himself, but taking a Bass down too? Well this was too good an opportunity to miss.

*

"Chuck? Is that you?" Serena's voice was sounded sleep deprived and the large bags under her eyes acted as further proof. How he managed to get into her room was still beyond Serena.

"Blair needs help," Chuck cut straight to the point; no wise cracks, no sarcasm, just desperation.

"What?" Nearing 4am really was too early for Serena, who forcibly dragged herself out of bed. "Where is Blair? Is she here now?"

Chuck was impatient and promptly shoved Serena into the shower, closing the door as he left. He heard her argue against him, taking it that Blair was not with him, but her words were soon drowned out by the flow of water. The sound calmed him a little and when Serena emerged, Chuck looked more placid, eyes softer and thumbs twiddling absently.

"Blair needs help," Chuck repeated from earlier, "And I think we're the best ones to give it to her. She's going completely off the rails. I don't know where she is and she doesn't even have her phone on her."

"Does Eleanor know?" Serena asked, urgency becoming apparent in her voice as well as Chuck's.

"No, and I think it best to keep it that way." Chuck was relieved when Serena agreed. "She's in Paris anyway," Chuck added, remembering Blair mentioning it in passing.

"Let's go find her," Serena issued for Chuck to lead the way, both praying Blair hadn't done anything she'd later regret. Chuck offered to check at home for Blair once more, whilst Serena was going to ring round, see if anyone knew anything.

*

"Carter, not now." Blair's voice was weak but the message behind it was strong. "Carter, no!

Carter sighed and refrained from kissing her neck, dropping his hands from her thighs. Instead, he lead her up to her bedroom, Blair practically giving herself to Carter as he supported her up the stairs. Blair was a mess - he could see it and she could see it. Her hair was knotted and filled with dirt; her make up was smudged and her lipstick smeared around her lips from Carter's rough kissing. Blair was surprised he couldn't taste the vomit which exuberated from her mouth.

Entering Blair's room, Blair was suddenly faced with painful reminders of Chuck. Walking over to the window, she pressed one clammy palm against the glass, wanting to cool her burning fever. Half expecting Chuck's voice to soothe her ears, the feeling of Carter snake his hands around her waist gave Blair the sudden urge to get rid of Carter and get rid of herself. And that only meant one thing.

"I need to go the bathroom," Blair mumbled, running into the bathroom and promptly flipping up the toilet lid before kneeling before it and plunging her fingers until the gag reflex was set in motion. Carter thought nothing of it, hoping it would help Blair would overcome her drunkenness - and soon. For that, Blair was thankful. He'd let her throw her guts up as she pleased, as long as she gave him what he wanted in return. A fair deal, Blair decided. Blair's fingers plunged once more, becoming too engrossed in her actions to notice Chuck slip into her room. It was only when she heard Carter talking to someone else that she realised they weren't alone. But she was too far gone in the motions to stop now. This was her release, her support system. It was all she had left, and nothing would stop her now.

"_What_ are you doing here?" Chuck demanded, eyes rapidly searching the room for any signs of Blair.

"Take a wild guess, Bass." Carter smirked, purposefully unbuttoning his shirt to rile Chuck. Chuck's fists clenched and eyes closed in an attempt to calm himself before he did something he knew Blair would hate him all the more for.

"Where's Blair?" Chuck needed to know she was okay. Well as okay as Blair could be these days, seeing as how she'd been lately was anything but okay. "Where is she, Baizen?!"

"Don't burst a vessel, Bass," Carter's voice was light in comparison to Chuck's dark, primal one. "She's in the bathroom, getting ready. If you get my drift."

That was the last straw. Chuck's fist hit Carter's face with a smack that Chuck knew Humphrey would be proud of. It was Humphrey, of course, who gave Chuck his first ever black eye. Which Chuck had found odd - his womanising ways had began far before little Jenny Humphrey came along, but clearly no one else had such a protective brother. But, seeing as Blair had no brother, Chuck would rightfully take his place as her protector. Even if she didn't want protecting.

"_Why_ would you let her go to the bathroom?!" Chuck spat - didn't Carter know anything. "She's going to be making herself sick as we speak, so I hope you're happy!"

Chuck left the room to race to the bathroom, hoping it wasn't too late. Carter made to follow but thought better of it. If Blair was in as much of a state as Chuck claimed, then he didn't want to be around if it got worse. Nor did he want to give Chuck the chance to lay another fist upon his face. Leaving with a cut lip and possible bruising around the cheek, Carter shook his head and slunk off into the darkness. Chuck was too frantic about Blair to care.

Upon reaching the bathroom, he saw Blair slumped against the toilet seat, hair falling into the bowl itself whilst her body continually rippled with sobs. Chuck sent a quick message to Serena - he couldn't deal with Blair like this. He didn't have the faintest idea what to do or what to say. All he knew was he had to get her out the bathroom. All he knew was that he had to get her to stop. Forever.

"Blair, I'm sorry." Chuck said softly. Blair didn't know why he was apologising, but Chuck already knew. He was phoning a doctor and then he was phoning Eleanor, just as soon as Blair was in her bed and asleep, unable to do anything about it.

"Go away," Blair's voice wasn't even a whisper. Her throat was on fire but still she tried to plunge once more, the taste of vomit mixing in with the salt from her tears. The stale alcohol was still lingering in her mouth and the faint taste of Carter intoxicated her. This time she was sick without having to plunge - she was over the limit in so many ways, and her body just couldn't cope.

He didn't speak to her again, but instead lifted her off of the bathroom floor, not caring that she dribbled on his shirt as her stomach rejected any presence of food or substance it could feel. She tried to fight him, pull away but Chuck was too strong and she was too weak. Pulling her frame close to his body, Chuck had never felt so pained and useless in his life. Blair completed him, but if she wasn't whole then he was barely there at all.

Lying her on her bed, Chuck reached for his phone. "I'm sorry." Blair still didn't understand why, until Chuck spoke down the line.

Tears streamed, legs kicked and swear words were shouted, all on Blair's behalf. Chuck stayed silent, distraught and dismayed as Blair became nothing short of hysterical. He tried to soothe her but she only shouted more. He tried to calm her down, but she became the opposite. He tried to hold her close, but she just pushed him away. He tried to say he was sorry, but Blair was past forgiving. Serena arrived, but it made no difference to Blair's hysterical state.

When the doctor came, Blair's cries were intensified and the sound alone tore Chuck into pieces, but the image, the image would haunt him forever.

"Blair, I'm sorry." Chuck repeated it a third time, but it made little difference. "I had to do it. I had to because I lo-"

"I will _never_ forgive you for this," Blair cut Chuck off, amidst sobs, before he could finish. Serena's tears stopped momentarily as she realised what Chuck was about to say. She dared to cast a look at Chuck who looked tired and dishevelled but, in that moment, Chuck knew he'd rather Blair never forgave him than being unable to forgive himself for letting her purge her way to her death. He did it, he saved her, all because he loves her. She may hate him for it, but Chuck knows it's better than hating himself. She's alive (just) but for now, and for Chuck, it's enough.

* * *

The End

Blair's always been an expert at lying and now Chuck can see it too. She told him she'd never forgive him, but she did. Well, eventually. Blair thought she'd hate him forever, but she doesn't because she can't deny that Chuck Bass saved her life, when she didn't even know she wanted saving. And for that, Chuck deserves more than just forgiveness. But all Chuck wants is Blair, so both parties are happy.

They're Chuck and Blair all over again. She's whole and he's complete. And that's the way it's meant to be.

* * *

A/N again: Okay, so the 'I love you' wasn't exactly there and spoken, but the intention of Chuck saying was there, right? There's more of an unspoken bond of love between them, rather than Chuck telling Blair how he feels. I'm sorry I didn't put in a proper 'I love you' but when I tried putting it in properly, it just didn't read right IMO so I decided to cut it short, just a tad. I hope it was still alright though :) And on a final note, thank you all so much for reading this and sticking with it, the reviews have been a delight to receive but more importantly, a real help and I hope to write another story soon! :) x

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